I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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