Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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