my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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