Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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