Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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