whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Randomize
