Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
