I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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