me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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