i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
