Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
