I just threw up on my dentist
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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