I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
