I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
He has the fingertips of a God
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