Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
