I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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