i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I think I just sharted jello shots
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
