On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You ruined the universe
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
