my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize