So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize