I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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