he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
fuck your aforementioned shoe
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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