just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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