why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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