I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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