I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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