Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
