I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
