We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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