How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
