Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Blood and glitter go together right?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
