my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
