remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
