hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
