I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
he wants to bone in the snuggie
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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