I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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