Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
