I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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