I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
