to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
