GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize