don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
