Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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