he thought i was a dude.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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