I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
