I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
