my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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