Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
