Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
