I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
