Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
so explain again why im purple
no
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
