if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
