I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
