Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
We smell like vodka and hangover
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
