I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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