does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
