There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
