I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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