First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
