Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
