last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
