I cannot find my penis.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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