In the future we'll all be gay
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
