for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize