After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
