whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
