Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
