nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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