I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
