I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
