4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
