Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
